Getting Closer!

So, I'll be wearing the Monkol and Flowers (in the pic behind me) along with my MTI shirt from Thailand, Snoopy shorts, and Propajet (arm band).  Will be walking out to the 'Peanuts' Theme song.

Starting to get excited.

Teaching Snoopy

My training partner cut himself on a tuna can Tues so it gave me an opportunity to work with another guy.
I've noticed he liked the Snoopy, so I asked to work with him so he could do it on the mitts.

We had SUCH a good time, it was awesome.  He was also able to give me a good workout so that was sweet.

A couple came in for their first class. Think they liked it. They also saw a little bit of Snoopy so I might have a few more fans.

Sweet.

Ah..

So, went to get a 'tune up' on Saturday, my body is like 'woah' right now especially since i did a workout this morning.

Friday I left early, I think it was a combination of over-training and undernourishment.  So this morning, I made sure to pack lots of snacks so it doesn't happen this week.

Feeling pretty good and confident right now.

26 days!

On the card

So I'm officially on the fight card with less than a month remaining.
Feeling a little sick, probably cause I'm overwhelmed, tired, and not replenishing enough.

Today I'm going to rest, give my body what it needs and get myself ready for this final stretch.

Yikes!

Ug

Today feels like a blah day already.

Last night was tough. Talking to people about signing up, when it doesn't go smooth I get self conscious. Hate talking about money.  I feel like the bad guy. Its hard to remember, no money - no mission.  That we really need it now to survive and reach our next goals.

Guess I'm overwhelmed by it. Overwhelmed by everything - work, training...

This morning I didn't do my morning workout, took the morning off. Think I needed it, besides I am tired and sore.  Then, later today is the first day of Karate.  Preparing for the whirlwind.

Hoping as many people come as they say. Just a little more income.

Just trying to overcome the massive sea of emotion, push through and have faith.

32

So its 32 days away now.

Been adding in sprinting, doing a little lifting and it feels good.
Not yet at my goal weight but close...

Still having a rollercoaster of emotions...wondering if I am doing enough.

Looking forward to hitting stuff tonight, hope we get more students.  

Drenched..and it feels good.

Just got caught in the downpour of rain.  Actually felt good.  Sometimes it feels like the weather outside is what is feel inside. Stormy, and wanting to cry.

Talked about that, and other things with a friend today.  Something about talking to them, leaves me feeling nothing but comfortably honest and its helpful. for me to reflect on things that I have long compartmentalized. It feels very much like talking to my sister, that I confide in with so much.

Was saying I don't cry much. Its viewed as weak, or a drama.  Here alone in front of this computer, perfect time to cry and all I feel is ache.  

Guess it is because I am so overwhelmed.  In other ways underwhelmed.

Was also talking about KICK and my commitment to the kids...was saying how it helped me when I was sick. been so vested in it cause I want to give back. I want to help out the kids that need it. Guess it heals me a little bit too.  Also its gets the 'mothering' part of me nurtured, since a part of me feels I'll never have a family.  

Feel bad complaining about stuff, when I have so much. Family that loves me, roof over my head, a job, food, a passion (make that two), and of course my health.  But I guess admitting the pieces that are in repair or broken helps. And its helps so I don't keep it in and eventually get sick.

Another thing talked about was my confidence.  OH confidence...my long time friend and foe.  Boy they have NO idea how bad I used to be, they should talk to my dad or sister.  Its ever improving, but from the outside it looks like I have a long way to go.  It is almost that I am more appealing to others with confidence.  Both privately and professionally.  Always struggled with this one cause I don't want to loose my inner core.  The girl that needs nothing more than a hug, no drama, simple. The girl that believes it the little things that count, has compassion, and patience and is giving.

It's another morphing that needs to happen and it will. I think this fight will definitely bring about this change.  Change hurts, but the results can be great.  A big part of me believes this to be true. And I want to continue to grow and change, be that confident woman I know I can.

Have to let go, and it might mean giving up things that I've held onto for so long.  
Life is so very short.  Why not now?