On fear...

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” 
― Frank Herbert

Facing the Demons

Tuesday was another bad day for me.
Sunk deeper into this pit I'm in.

Yesterday, it began to break.
Feeling much better.

Now to continue to face these things.

15 days.

Demons

Who knew that 30 seconds of failure would dredge up demons.  To the point where yesterday I was experiencing a minor amount of back pain similar to what I had almost a decade ago.

Emotional bubbles rising to the surface, I think I've started to cry like 5 times in the last 48 hours.

It's not about having one bad day, but the worry I'll have another. Then have to live the rest of my life with the quilt and regret.

I know I keep telling myself, ah if I lose but try my hardest I'll be ok. I know, its not the end of the world or anything, but this means a lot to me.

Got to face it all now and figure out how to get my head on straight...soon.
19 days....

Ups and Downs

just got back from training. regular training went well. 

unfortunately sparring didn't go so well.

was told to go harder and faster and did nothing. my biggest fear.

cried a bit over it.

ugggg

so i am sulking a bit.

Getting Closer!

So, I'll be wearing the Monkol and Flowers (in the pic behind me) along with my MTI shirt from Thailand, Snoopy shorts, and Propajet (arm band).  Will be walking out to the 'Peanuts' Theme song.

Starting to get excited.

Teaching Snoopy

My training partner cut himself on a tuna can Tues so it gave me an opportunity to work with another guy.
I've noticed he liked the Snoopy, so I asked to work with him so he could do it on the mitts.

We had SUCH a good time, it was awesome.  He was also able to give me a good workout so that was sweet.

A couple came in for their first class. Think they liked it. They also saw a little bit of Snoopy so I might have a few more fans.

Sweet.

Ah..

So, went to get a 'tune up' on Saturday, my body is like 'woah' right now especially since i did a workout this morning.

Friday I left early, I think it was a combination of over-training and undernourishment.  So this morning, I made sure to pack lots of snacks so it doesn't happen this week.

Feeling pretty good and confident right now.

26 days!