They say...

They say... that you can search for signs...or sometimes they SCREAM at you in the face. And if it's too late...it burns a little.  Let me explain.

I've been ready to test for like 8 years.  6 years ago (when they were switching the system) I took a test thinking "okay lets do this". I failed. I let it go.

Since then I've done so much. I passed the LEED. I've been sick, scared to be terminally ill or disabled by it. I've lost family members.  I've been in the ring in a full contact Muay Thai match.  And along the way I've made some big work achievements

Recently I've started to think I should take these things.  I haven't been able to schedule as there was a black out period.  This week it was lifted.  I went to schedule...and couldn't. My authorization is so old that it lapsed.  I was upset. So phone calls and emails went out.  The lady that held the key said "why should I help you" and "I'm the only one here and don't know what to do". For a moment I thought..I can never test.  I was furious.  I prayed. I told Jeff, and he prayed.  A few hours later an email from the stubborn lady is in my inbox, giving me permission to extend my authorization.  I scheduled my first exam right away.  October 21st.

That day I told myself...its been long enough its time to just get these done.

In other news...I've known for quite sometime that to achieve Black Belt I need to get stronger, and look the part.  When talking about Muay Thai, I can achieve Kru (teacher)...if I was stronger and looked the part.  I've known for a year that if I want to fight again...I need to be stronger....  The trifecta of SCREAMING signs.  And last night came the burn.

Two of our students have their first fight this weekend. Jeff was saying how people have been dropping their fights and that is why everyone should be ready, if they want to fight, as things pop up last minute.  Yesterday Jeff tells me there is a Girl, at my weight that had her competitor drop out.  I could have fought this weekend.  BURN.

It's SO weird.  After my fight, I considered walking away from Martial Arts. I never wanted to do that again.  The training and the fighting, it changes you. Slowly but surely I got back into it. Teaching helped A LOT! I've been telling myself for a few months I want to go back in there. Recently with helping these guys with their fight, that urge has got REALLY strong.  Last night when I hear about this girl. I was so upset I could cry.  It's this feeling like "I have to go back"  (think Jack from LOST "We have to go back Kate!") BURN BURN BURN.


Today I am really sore...and I know I have a LOT on my plate. Last night I said to Jeff "my health is good, but I feel like one wrong turn and who knows, I have to fight for that next level like I did when I fought to get healthy"

Somehow I got to figure out a way to achieve these things screaming in my face.

Recently I ordered a Brown Belt, I fully intend on competing with it and winning.  Step 1.  and....October 21 is my first test. Step 1.